LIFE...with little eyes watching

Hi friends!

It's been a while since I've written anything in here, but my mind is reeling with things lately, so I thought I'd jot them down for whoever wants to read them.

It's summer, and I am spending every waking moment with my three kids. This week I have one more, my nephew who is visiting from NJ. It's been a blast spending all this time with the kids, and I think God is teaching me some things through them.

I've been thinking about how the world looks through their eyes. I've also been examining how my actions look through their eyes. I have made good decisions and bad ones too, and I've hidden very little from them. I want them to see that adults make mistakes too, but God is okay with that. He loves us all the more if we run to Him when we fail. His love never fails.

When the kids were little, I felt like my actions weren't under as much scrutiny as I do now. I have a 12 year old daughter and she notices everything! She asks questions sometimes, but mostly just observes and picks things up that way. I know she will live like I do. I've never been a "do as I say and not as I do" parent. I live honestly before my kids and try to lead them with the best example possible. Sometimes I am scared by that thought. Most of the time, however, I am comforted by it because I know I am living whole-heartedly for Jesus. Let the chips fall where they may. I am far from perfect but I am honest.

Now that I have clarified where I am coming from I wonder just how much of our kids future depends on what we do as parents? I mean, it seems every book I read, or movie I see tells a story of an adult still trying to win the approval of their parents in some way. Is this what life is all about? If I somehow fail to show them that I approve of them and love them, will they struggle all their lives with this? I hope not.

I know there is more to life. I know I felt the same way to an extent about my parents for years. I have an older brother who is an over-achiever, to put it mildly, and he has always won the approval of my parents. He did things they were proud of, like achieve in academics and sports. My parents value things like wealth, success, beauty and worldly status very highly, as do many people in this world. I got saved at age 19 and I have to say that those things never meant as much to me as it did to them. So I didn't pursue their approval. However, the first time I ever heard the words "I'm proud of you" they didn't come from my parents...they came from my older brother when I graduated from Bible School. I cried like a baby. I guess we all want to hear that from someone here on earth. Powerful words. Affirming words.

At the age of 19 I began to live my life for God and am trying to do His will on a daily basis to please HIM. My life is lived for an audience of ONE...but that's not to say I am unaware of those little eyes watching my every move.

I pray that as I live my life as honestly as possible, and make no excuses for stupidity, I will please my Father, and influence my kids for good. I pray that as I love others unselfishly, they will learn to do the same. I pray that the influence I have on them will be more good than bad, because I am aware of my human-ness all too well. I pray that my life, though small in some people's view, will have eternal value.